Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
RevisionMy Dearest Ocean, I give you my land. metrical prob.Moisten my shells. Light upon my pearl, promised fresh, unlike that other girl. Lick the shore and permeate the sand. My body cries: leave...
View ArticleRe: Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
LOL! Love that limp eel. ("But" should be lower case, no?) I think you've added enough wit to make it clear that this is a spoof. I like the voice, how it builds up sort of hysterically to the final...
View ArticleRe: Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
Agree with Mary's comments-- I find "conform to form" a bit unclear, though.Tiel Aisha Ansarihttp://knockingfrominside.blogspot.com/
View ArticleRe: Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
Just wondering why you wouldn't use "will not" in the last line, instead of "won't." A full line of pentameter ought to help your closure. There are lines in the poem that cut some of the unstressed...
View ArticleRe: Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
Thank you Mary and Tiel. Mike, I didn't opt for that because it reads awkwardly when the rest of the piece is full of contractions.
View ArticleRe: Moisten my Shore (content, revised)
I think Mike's right about the last line. It would be much better as "I will." Now that Mike mentioned it, I remember the last line bothered me too.
View Article
